One of my daily goals is to let my thinking and speaking be ruled by kindness and compassion. After making a relatively major blunder recently, I caught myself saying something like this…… “I can’t believe I did that! How could I be so stupid! I CAN’T DO THAT AGAIN!!” ….. certainly not kind or compassionate thinking!
A powerful trigger of anxiety
Have you ever spoken to yourself like this? What happens when that critical voice starts up in your head? For me, the immediate result is a surge of anxiety. Suddenly I’ve given myself an ultimatum that I can’t possibly live up to. How can I realistically expect that I won’t mess up again?
Often, we are good at treating other people with compassion, but we have a very hard time speaking gently with ourselves. If you listen closely to your inner critic, who does it sound like? A parent? A teacher? Interestingly, your emotional self doesn’t make the distinction between who is talking – yourself or someone else. The fact is, that critical voice is causing an emotional reaction of fear.
Fear is at the base of all anxiety
Fear causes our stress response to kick into gear, which then shuts down all our higher brain functions responsible for compassion, creativity, logic, intuition – all the resources we need in order to perform to our highest ability. So, when we allow that internal critic inner air time, we ironically make it more likely that we will do the very thing we fear – like saying the wrong thing, or making a mistake!
How to tame your inner critic
Next time you start berating yourself for something you’ve done (or not done), try to catch yourself in the act. Then ……
- Acknowledge and even welcome the fear or sense of inadequacy that is rising in you. Let it be there without judgement. It will gradually shift and then disappear.
- Remember that you are human, and like all other humans, you are going to make mistakes.
- Speak gently with yourself and use encouragement instead of discouragement.
- Eventually, you can consider what you might learn from your mistake, and be thankful for the lesson. Mistakes are our greatest teachers!
Be ‘for’ yourself instead of ‘against’ yourself, and you will be pleasantly surprised at how much easier and stress free life becomes!
