Yes, perhaps curiosity killed the cat! However, for us humans, curiosity can save and strengthen all our relationships. Let me share a personal story to explain!
This morning I was struck by one of those profound realizations that life hands you every once in a while. I suddenly saw with new clarity how we all truly live in our own universe.
My husband was describing his experience at an event we both attended last week. I was sitting right beside him, having an entirely different experience. Both of us were in the same environment, exposed to exactly the same sensory stimuli. Yet, we were having entirely unique experiences, being drawn to very different points of focus.
As I was listening to my husband’s description of his experience, and comparing it to my own, I saw clearly how each of us lives in our own world, created by our unique interests and knowledge sets, life experiences, genetics, fears and hopes. In other words……
We each embody a unique window of perception, unlike any that has ever been or ever will be.
This is a fascinating, sometimes frustrating fact of being human. We can live with someone – be together with someone, and never know what they are experiencing, or what is driving their behaviour. This has a profound impact on how we relate to each other. The less we understand about their window of perception, the more prone we are to make all sorts of assumptions about their experience based on our experience, and then say and do things from that uninformed perspective.
This is treading on dangerous territory! Basing our words and reactions to others solely on our own perceptions and experiences can cause hurt, anger and alienation. Making incorrect assumptions, forming unrealistic expectations, becoming irritated and frustrated, we end up saying things that shut the other person down. After enough negative interactions, walls of defences become nearly impenetrable.
How do we bridge the gap between universes?
The Gift of Curiosity
Children and animals are naturally curious. As adults, we can benefit from remembering how to do ‘curiosity’!
To actively wonder about another’s actions and perceptions creates a welcoming space in which the other person can relate why they are doing what they are doing. We can learn a lot about the other person’s perspective from listening to their answer. We come to understand the ‘why’ behind their behaviour. With understanding, our frustration melts into compassion.
Wonder and curiosity can prevent a lot of arguments and hurt feelings. It can foster closeness and lessen our negative judgements. It also lays the groundwork for further open discussions. The more we practice curiosity, the more open our relationships become.
Finding Connection Through Understanding
When we approach relationships with curiosity, life becomes more interesting and problems turn into opportunities for reaching new levels of intimacy and harmony.
As I understood anew this morning how we are each unique individuals, I thought of how the Tao Te Ching speaks of the 10,000 things, and that they all arise from the same Source. Curiosity is an innate quality that allows us to bridge the gap between our separate worlds. When we bridge that gap with understanding, and compassion, we feel the joy of harmony, and we begin to grasp the underlying connection we all share.
Experiment with bringing curiosity to every potential problem in your relationships over the next week. See what happens! And please share your experiences. I’d love to hear from you!
